On Stalking . . .

From CNN - Wed, July 19, 2006

John Cusack says he has a stalker
Actor obtains restraining order in Los Angeles court

LOS ANGELES, California (Reuters) -- Actor John Cusack, star of such offbeat films as "Grosse Pointe Blank" and "Being John Malkovich," obtained a restraining order Tuesday against a woman he claims has been stalking him.

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Okay, I have several thoughts I want to share here:

One, I'm often asked about male victims - yes, it happens. Women can be as abusive and as violent as men. Some men abuse other men, some women are violent to other women, as some men are abusive to women, and as we see here, some women are aggressive to men.

I believe all relationship and sexual violence crimes are under-reported - I have a lot of respect for Mr. Cusack for reporting this woman and her behavior. I also believe it is never okay for anyone to hurt or scare anyone else and if a person is feeling threatened or is attacked - I hope they feel they can report the crime and get the help the feel they need.

When I talk about men answering the call to end violence I am also addressing situations and circumstances where men are being victimized. In situations where relationship and sexual violence occurs it is most often it is men who are the aggressor, and it is more often than not men who are acting against women. However it is no less disturbing when a woman is the aggressor and/or a man is being victimized.

Two, I wish, when situations like this are reported, we could find words other than "claims" or "says" - these words to me feel dismissive of the survivors feelings.

I believe we need to be very clear when we are addressing the victims feelings in these situations. People in Mr. Cusack situation will often report feeling fearful. We need to find a way to let the victim know what they are feeling is real. "Claims", "says" doesn't seem to be the most supportive language.

This isn't to say that the accused should be judged 'guilty' by the press or public opinion - the accused has the right to their day in court.

But the victims feelings are real and as a culture we've too easily dismissed the fear some report feeling.

And what is this "Cusack says he has a stalker" - he "has a stalker" - I have a funny feeling reading that . . . Is the author of the article is suggesting that this is Cusack's stalker, is there some kind of 'possession' or 'ownership' (perhaps not the right words either) on his part of this stalker. It's a bit glib, "he has a stalker."

John Cusack reports someone is stalking him. The stalking is happening to him - and it's something he doesn't want. The stalker is not 'his' stalker (like we should all rush out and find our own stalker now! It's the hip thing to do!). The title of the article seems to suggest some participation on Cusack's part in his being stalked. He does not want to be stalked, he does not want a stalker, this is not his stalker - the stalker is stalking him.

While I'm on the use of language here - the reporter writes "he claims [the woman] has been stalking him." "Has been" - very passive; the stalker 'IS' stalking him - thess events are not happening in the past. This stalking is happening now! We can't minimize the event and by putting it in past tense - she 'has been' stalking him - no, she is stalking him now.

Three, what was CNN thinking posting a report about stalking in the Entertainment section of their website? I understand Mr. Cusack is an actor and therefore part of the entertainment industry. But the 'bigger reality' here: he is a person (just a normal human like you and I) who obtained a restraining order against another person who is stalking him. Is this really entertainment?

CNN has a section of their website devoted to the Law - it seems, given the subject of past articles posted there that an item like this regarding stalking would be better served in that section of the website.

To me this is another example of the press misreporting and misrepresenting an issue related to stalking and assault which further lends to a misunderstanding of these issues.