the word is: CONSENT

Here are two more articles brought to you by CNN:

Tutor says sex assaults are sacred ritual

Polygamist gets 45 days for sex with teen bride

There is this idea in the area of sexual assault prevention and crisis services that I'd like to share with you - it's called: CONSENT.

Here's the short of it . . .

A person must be of a particular age and mentally able to understand choices and understand the consequences for choices they are making before engaging in sexual activity.

A person must not only be able to make a choice for themselves - a choice that is not forced or coerced - but they must actually make the choice for themselves before engaging in sexual activity.

To be of an age where a person is able to understand choice and to have the mental and emotional faculties to understand choice and then make a choice freely are inherent in this concept of CONSENT.

CONSENT is an active process - it is not an assumed process – I cannot assume that you want me to go into your home and take your television. That would be wrong.

If you had a young child in the house and I asked the young child, "Can I take your television?" And they say, yes. And I took the television - that would be wrong.

It would also be wrong for me to take the television from a person who is under emotional duress or extreme emotional stress, drunk, mentally handicapped, or is other wise being lied to, misled, misdirected, threatened, forced or coerced in anyway.

Why is it when I talk about taking a television we all understand what's 'right and wrong', but if I talk about 'sex' if I talk about my want and desire to have intercourse with another 'things seem to get murky' - why is this???

Some people think CONSENT is about the younger persons age only, that's not always true, laws vary state to state, country to country - the age of the older person is also a factor many times. Understand why this is . . . an older man has certain advantages over a child of sixteen - mentally, emotionally, physically (an older person is often more mentally adept, can be more emotionally literate and physically larger/stronger) - an older man (or woman for that matter) should never, ever use these advantages to take advantage of a child sexually - not ever.

An older man (or woman) should never, ever have sex with children who are mentally or physically disabled. Do I really need to go on with that one?!

There is a independent consultant, Alan Berkowitz (check out his web site for more information: http://www.alanberkowitz.com/), who helps colleges, universities, public health agencies and communities design programs to address health and social justice issues. He has an article on CONSENT that's worth a read - here's a brief excerpt:

Determining Consent

Consent can be defined as present if four conditions are met. These conditions are not absolutes, but the greater the degree to which they are present, the greater the chance that both parties are consenting. They can be used as guidelines for achieving mutual, uncoerced consent in intimate relationships. The four conditions are the following:

1. Both parties are fully conscious;
2. Both participants are equally free to act;
3. Both parties have clearly communicated their willingness/permission; and
4. Both parties are positive and sincere in their desires.

Edited from an article by Dr. Berkowitz (http://www.alanberkowitz.com/articles/consent.pdf).

No CONSENT = NO sexual activity.

Under age, under the influence, never gave CONSENT = NO sexual activity.

It's a pretty easy formula. It's time we educate others about this. Or maybe I'll just come and 'borrow' your television some evening while you're out . . .

the word is: CONSENT!!